Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
