I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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