She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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