Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
