I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
