I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
