sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
