One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize