So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
