i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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