I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
