What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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