I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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