did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i dont even know how to be here
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
