Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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