Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
