ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
