I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
