Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
did i just pee glitter
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