so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
