Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
