You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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