Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
