I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
