Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
