i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
