...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
