I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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