I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
