you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
