her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
sex in a hospital.. check
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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