I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
