Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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