there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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