If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
