Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Two words: blizzard sex
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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