How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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