My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize