Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You ate ashes out of my bong
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
