Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
