my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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