It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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