I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
