I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
