the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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