he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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