I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
