Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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