Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
