I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
