Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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