Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
