Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
