just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
