You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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