i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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