my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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