I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
