I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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