btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
