He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
