I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
