So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
