You smell like stripper and shame
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
