Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
