Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
