Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
