apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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