Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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