i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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