In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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