we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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