My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
