Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
