Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
