so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
