So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
